With all due respect, I think we should eliminate the phrase "with all due respect" from use!

I hear it all the time, and it ostensibly is trying to reassure someone that even though I disagree with you, that doesn’t mean I don’t respect you as a person or your experience. In theory it’s a good phrase.

But in practice, it typically means "You’re an idiot." People nearly always use the phrase when they are mad, or outraged at the ridiculousness of the other person’s argument. When I hear people use the phrase, the rough translation is "Okay, how could someone as normal as you say something as stupid as that?!"

With all due respect, Bob, that idea will never work.

Can I be honest? I don’t think that person really respects Bob. So here’s what I recommend.

If there really is respect, clarify what that is and express it.

Bob, I have to say I’m surprised at what I am hearing from you. You have always made solid points in this group and really helped us move forward. I value the contributions you make and your experience. But I really disagree with the point you are making now because...

If there is respect, name it. Don’t just call it "due."

If there isn’t respect–if you really don’t value what the other person brings–then don’t pretend there is. Just disagree with their point.