Okay, I have done two posts about Covey’s Speed of Trust book (here and here). Covey has five "waves" of trust. The first is self trust and focuses on what YOU need to do to be trustworthy and trust others.

The second is relationship trust, and (here’s the first lesson) it is ALL about behavior. He has one of my favorite lines (I think from his father):

You can’t talk your way out of a situation you behaved your way into.

So the section on relationship trust simply covers thirteen behaviors you need to do (in business and personal life) that will enable you to take advantage of the higher speed and lower costs associated with high trust. You’re going to have to read the book to get the real value out of these, but here’s the list:

• Talk straight
• Demonstrate respect
• Create transparency
• Right wrongs
• Show loyalty
• Deliver results
• Get better
• Confront reality
• Clarify expectations
• Practice accountability
• Listen first
• Keep commitments
• Extend trust

Surprised by the list? I didn’t think so. We’ve talked about these things before. Others have written about them. We know we should do them. But too often we don’t. Each section in the book talks about why we often avoid the behavior that he is talking about (that’s why you need to read the book!). But there is one concept that I think is critical. For each behavior, Covey talks about the counterfeit version of that behavior.

This is an important insight. Too often we engage in behavior that we rationalize as being the right thing to do because it has the appearance of right behavior (but really isn’t). When you think about it, you’ll say "I would never do that," but in the moment we end up doing. It turns out we are very good at telling ourselves stories in the moment that justify what we are doing.

You can do straight talk, while still avoiding some topics. You can hold yourself accountable, but not fully. You can present the appearance of transparency, while still hiding some information that you feel is justifiably secret. You need to challenge yourself at times like these. Perhaps the biggest one on the list is confront reality, because you really need to confront yourself when you are not holding true to these behaviors.