It is the “day after” the annual meeting of ASAE and The Center for Association Leadership. This is a regular event for me, and I absolutely love attending it, although as an introvert it completely exhausts me!

I learned a lot this year, and I’ll post more about it (after some introvert re-charging time!), but I will share one point from yesterday.

Steven M.R. Covey spoke about the Speed of Trust. Newton Holt had interviewed him in last month’s Associations Now (I commented here). I have his book now, so I’ll comment more when I read it, but there was one quote from the session worth repeating:

You can’t talk your way out of a situation you behaved your way into.

I think that was a actually a quote from Covey’s father, but it’s obviously relevant to trust. When you behave in a way that violates trust in a relationship, the way to re-establish the trust is primarily through behavior, rather than words. There’s nothing wrong with words (apologizing, promising you’ll do better, etc.), but the words by themselves won’t be enough to rebuild the trust. You need the behavior.

That’s why when trust needs to be built between two people or two groups, it is critical that the two sides have opportunities to interact. The more chances they have to interact, the more they can observe behavior (and make connections between words and behavior) that can build trust. This is also why I spend so much time teaching groups how to give feedback that focuses specifically on behavior and impact. Conversations that clarify behavior and impact are the kind of words that can help build trust.