In two separate client situations in the last week, leaders (one Board one staff) told me they were experiencing the age-old adage of it being “lonely at the top.” To some extent, I think it can be lonely at the top of an organization—most smaller organizations boil their leadership down to one or two people. But this is ultimately how they want it. It is their organization. If it weren’t lonely, then you’d have four or five other people in there, perhaps making decisions with which you disagree. That is why you created this loneliness (so I am less than patient with the complaint).

But in fact, the complaint often comes from a different place. It comes from a place of burden. It’s lonely being the sole person who is “responsible” for everything. Their neck is on the line, so the success of the organization is up to them. They are the lonely bearers of this unfortunate burden.

This can be a fatal flaw. There is nothing wrong with leaders taking responsibility for results, but the attachment to burden can generate some unfortunate results. Being burdened by responsibility, leaders often react by taking control. It’s my neck on the line, so I want to know how everything is being done (or done my way). This creates the classic micromanager. Burden is about fear, and control, and lack of choice—not the hallmarks of a great workplace.

Barry Oshry has written a beautiful book about power and systems. The title is “Seeing Systems,” and it describes the universal dynamics of “tops,” “middles,” and “bottoms.” He was the one who turned me on to the notion of burden. His book is not traditional business writing, and includes some poetry. Here’s what he said about tops and burden (pp. 66-68):

“Resistance

Some Tops complain about their burden
while clinging to it.
They fear losing control
when they are still responsible
(a not unreasonable fear);
they fear that others won’t be as responsible
or as skilled
or as committed as they are.
They are concerned that creating responsibility in others—
involving them,
training them,
developing them—
takes too much time.
It is easier to simply do it yourself.
And some Tops simply accept burden
as being part of the job.

With awareness comes choice,
And some Tops choose burden.”

Oshry says we get trapped in the “dance of blind reflex” around burden. Anybody out there feel trapped in that dance?