Thanks to the Kansas City Society of Association Executives for inviting me to do a keynote speech at their annual meeting on Wedensday. I did the morning general session on “Overcoming Your Association’s Fear of Conflict.” Although I’m thinking of changing the title to “Break the Cycle of Conflict Avoidance,” because that was more what I focused on. It was an excellent group, and I had a great time.

One new point that I put in this presentation that I haven’t made before: despite the chronic conflict avoidance in organizations, there are always people in every organization who will identify as people who “like” conflict. In my informal poll of audiences, it’s nearly a 50/50 split between “like” and "dislike."

But as I dug a little deeper into their fondness, I discovered three things:

1. Sometimes they like OTHER people’s conflict, but not their own
2. Sometimes they like conflict, but only when it’s done (so they rush through to resolution, even if it’s not a good resolution)
3. Some like conflict so much, they don’t like resolving it (because then it’s over).

So “liking” conflict does not necessarily get us out of the avoidance trap