I’m delivering a webinar for a client tomorrow on conflict resolution, and the title above is the first of my six tips that I will be delivering. This tip wasn’t in the session originally, but I added it, realizing that sometimes we need to be reminded of the basics. When we’re in conflict, we tend to argue about proposed solutions. I want the window open in our shared office, and you want it closed. We can both argue til we’re blue in the face, but I doubt one will convince the other, and, of course, in this case there is no suitable compromise. The window is either open or closed. While this would be considered a fairly minor conflict, it does seem intractable.

But the important question in many conflict situations is, Why? Why do you want the window closed, and why do I want the window open? Asking these questions helps you to understand the interests behind the positions that we each hold. While our positions are certainly in direct conflict (open v. closed), our interests may not be. Perhaps you want the window closed because you don’t like the draft, and I want it open because I think the office is too stuffy and I like the fresh air. If we focus on solving the problem at the interest level (rather than the intractable positions), we might discover that there is a window we can open in an adjacent office that allows fresh air in without a draft.

It’s the classic “win-win” scenario.

It sounds simple, but it’s amazing how often we fail to ask those questions and dig into the interests. And this can be used in more complex conflicts too. It was critical in some breakthroughs during the Camp David Peace Accords between Egypt and Israel. The source to learn more about interest-based negotiation is the classic from Roger Fisher and Bill Ury: Getting to Yes. And don’t forget, I have a free white paper on Making Conflict Work in your organization.